I was born and raised in East Saint Louis, Illinois, in a house hold that, from the outside, looked complete-a mom, a dad, and my brother. But inside those walls, things were very different. I grew up witnessing my father be physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive toward my mother...and eventually toward us. As a child, I didn't fully understand what was happening, but I felt it. I carried it. And in many ways, I became a target of it. Out of my brother and I, I often recieved the brunt of the abuse. Not because I was worse or a bad child-but because I was searching. I was a deeply emotional child who wanted hugs and warmth constantly looking for connection, for attention, for love that felt real or to simply hear the words, "I love you Reggie." My father was controlling, demanding, and aggressive most of the time. There wasn't much room for softness or understanding. My mother, on the other hand, was the opposite-submissive, afraid, and emotionally distant always looking for ways to satisfy my dad at the sacrifice of herself and us as her children. Yes, both of my parents were in the household physically, but emotionally, I felt alone and trapped. As a child, that kind of enviroment shapes how you see yourself. I started to feel like my needs were too much...like my emotions were a problem...like I had to fight to be seen. That need for connection didn't go away-it followed me into my teenage years and even into early adulthood. How did a child like me who loved to draw naturally, had dreams on becoming a famous lawyer, and with a desire to write a book as I progressed to my teen years get so lost and without purpose??? As I started running away from home as a kid and early teens and sent to foster homes, I carried confusion, hurt, and a deep desire to be understood by my parents and the world. At times, I made choices from a place of pain, not clarity. I was still that same child inside-just older-still searching for the love and emotional safety I didn't receive growing up. On top of all of that I was a very trusting child and that is when I experienced sexual abuse as a child and a teen from strangers. But even through all of that, and moving further away from my inner child dreams of helping people and saving the world as I seen it, something in me refused to stay stuck. I may have been down and out for years, I may have had to abandon my inner dreams of being a famous lawyer, I may have had to relinquish external contols of my life, I may have had to imprison my heart for fears of safety but I kept moving forward. Even when I didn't fully know where I was going...even when I felt broken, misunderstood, or weighed down by everything I had experienced...I kept going. That persistence, that quiet strength, became a turning point in my life. I begin to realize that my past did not have to define my future. I started learning myself-understanding my emotions instead of continuing to run from them. I begin to see that the very things that once made me feel weak-my sensitivity, my need for connection-were actually part of my strength. Today, I stand as someone who has been through pain, but didn't let it stop me even if family abandoned me and society rejected me. My story is not just about what I went through-it's about how I chose to keep going despite of it all.
